


Will You Hold Me Tight?

by WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Car Accidents, Coming Out, Epilepsy, F/M, Family Drama, Legal Drama, M/M, Medical Procedures, Motorcycles, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22314931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: Sirius leaves the house after an argument with Remus and when he doesn't make it home for dinner it's not for the reasons that Remus thought.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 29
Kudos: 188





	Will You Hold Me Tight?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CasualMaraudering](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualMaraudering/gifts).



> The title comes from the lyrics of the song "Symphony" by Clean Bandit. This was written for a prompt given by @casualmaraudering over on Tumblr. Motorcycle accident and angst, so here you go! I hope that you like long ass one-shots, haha!
> 
> I do not know Welsh at all and used the internet to help with the familial terms. Also, "fy machgen i" means "my boy" in Welsh. Also note that the flashbacks in this are not in chronological order.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: not everyone is accepting of a homosexual couple, there is a lot of medical in this and while not very explicit it could be triggering for those who've endured medical emergencies.

The sound of shattering ceramic echoed against the walls of the house and startling a bird that had come to perch on the kitchen windowsill. Remus stared daggers at his fuming lover.

"Oh, that's just perfect, Sirius! Let's throw things around like a fucking baby having a temper tantrum!"

"If anyone's being a fucking baby, it's you!" Sirius shouted back before throwing another mug down against the tiled floors. Remus was sure that he had chipped the tile floor that time. "I'm not the one still so desperate to latch on mummy dearest's tit instead of growing a pair!"

If he hadn't been seeing red before that moment, Remus was now. "You're just pissed because my parents actually fucking _like_ me and I like them and I want to keep it that way!" The air seemed to suck out of the room at that moment and Remus gasped at what he had just said. "I...Sirius, I didn't-"

"Shut the fuck up," Sirius hissed, tears welling in his eyes that he would be too stubborn to let fall. "You're a right git, Remus, you know that? A right git."

They had crossed a line this time and it was Remus' fault. He felt sick now, stupid for letting himself get so angry that he would say such a hurtful thing. "I'm sorry, Sirius, that was wrong."

"No, it wasn't. That's the fucking point."

He wiped angrily at his face and stomped past Remus, purposefully knocking his shoulder into the taller man's and making him stumble back a little. Remus watched as Sirius slipped into his leather jacket and shoved his feet into his riding boots. What could he say? He was still angry at Sirius and angry that he had been pushed to the point of being that angry. But he was angry at himself for saying those words too, for not being the better man in that argument. It was just that he had been so tired of always needing to be the better man, the calm man. He wanted Sirius to feel the sting of hurt and he had done so with all the grandiose of a disembowelment. 

"Sirius, I..." He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck in agitation. They probably needed this space and a breather. Sirius was always better after he had a good hard ride on his motorcycle. "Dinner at 5pm with Lily and James, okay? At least be back for that?"

Sirius paused at the door, helmet tucked under his arm. His long hair was still hanging down over his shoulders but Remus knew that it would soon be bound up in a hair tie and tucked under the helmet. He was wearing his riding gloves today because it was still a bit nippy out there. He turned as if he wanted to say something but snapped his mouth shut. Remus shuffled forward, arms crossed over his chest and his shoulders hunched. They stood there quietly in the mudroom for a few short seconds still angry at each other but not wanting to break a three year long tradition. Moments like this were why they created the tradition.

With a huff, Sirius turned on his heel pressed a cold kiss to Remus' lips, his own firmly pinched shut. Remus tilted his head slightly out of habit, but he too kept his lips shut. This was nothing like the kiss they shared just that morning - heated and open mouthed - but it was still a kiss. Tradition intact, Sirius stomped out of the house and slammed the door behind him. Remus gritted his teeth angrily and stomped back to the kitchen where he could better glare at the coffee mugs that had been offered up in sacrifice to Sirius Black's unholy temper. Hell, why did Sirius always have to be this way?! Why couldn't he just accept how Remus felt about the situation? Collapsing back into his chair at their kitchen table, he allowed his head to fall in his hands.

**

_"How are you doing, Mam?" Remus asked as he cradled the handset of the landline between his ear and shoulder. It was such a quaint thing and one of his favorite details about this charming little house that he and Sirius bought recently._

_"Doing well,_ _fy machgen i," she replied easily making his heart warm. His mother had been sickly this past year more so than usual and he had been worried that her time on this earth was coming to a close. "Your Tad and I are planning on coming to London for my trip to the hospital next week and we were wondering if you'd let us stay at your place this time."_

_Remus' heart clenched and he almost choked on his own spit. "Uh..."_

_"Remus, it's been so long since we've had a chance for a proper visit! And that apartment you had before was so small. Son, I want to see your new house!"_

_"You mean that you want to reorganize it for me," Remus laughed, doing his best not to let his nervousness come across the line._

_The crystal tinkling of laughter that was his mother's was music to his ears and he breathed a deep sigh of relief. She really did sound better. And if she was thinking about redoing his house then her energy levels must be up too. "I just want to see it is all, Remus, and maybe offer some friendly advice."_

_Remus watched as Sirius padded out of their bedroom in nothing but his birthday suit, hair a tangled mess but still beautiful. He rubbed his eyes blearily and squinted at Remus before waving softly and offering a sleepy grin. Remus waved back and Sirius continued on his way to the kitchen._

_"Well, okay, Mam. How long are you planning on being in town?"_

_"No more than a week, but probably two or three days. It depends on how I feel, you know. Is that a problem?"_

_"Not at all!" He eyeballed his lover again and felt the grimace on his face. "It won't be a problem at all, Mam."_

_"I can't wait to see you," she gushed happily and he couldn't help a small smile._

_"I can't wait to see you and Tad either. I've got to get going, okay?"_

_"Be safe fy machgen i."_

_Having settled the handset onto the cradle he sighed heavily before deciding that he could wait a couple of more days before bringing this up to Sirius. He already knew that the resulting conversation wouldn't be pleasant, so he wanted to butter up his lover as much as he could before hand._

**

Lily and James arrived early as usual and Remus had to swallow down his annoyance. There was still no news from Sirius even though he probably had his cellular phone on hand. After greeting their friends and inviting them in, he sent a couple of texts to remind Sirius _again_ that their friends were there for dinner. He stared at his phone for a few minutes before tossing it on the kitchen counter in frustration.

"Is everything okay?" James asked as Lily swatted his hands away from the hot bread sticks she was pulling out of the oven. 

"Yes. Fine. Everything is fine." Two sets of eyebrows rose up and he felt a bit of heat rise to his cheeks. That didn't even sound convincing to himself. "Okay, not exactly fine. We just got into a fight again."

Resting her hand softly on his elbow, Lily stared up into his hazel eyes with her own bright green ones. "Do you want to talk about it?

He sighed heavily again, stirring the pasta sauce just to keep his hands doing something. "It's stupid."

"Most arguments are," James muttered through a mouthful of stolen hot bread.

Remus knew that he could tell the two of them, it just felt even stupider talking about it because he knew where they already stood. This wasn't a new argument. "It was about my parents." Their eyes widened and they nodded in understanding. He blushed more deeply. "They want to spend a couple of days with me to see the house and visit and I asked him to stay with you all for that time."

James huffed in annoyance, but stuffed more bread into his mouth before he said something that he would regret. Remus vaguely wished he had done that during the argument with Sirius earlier. Lily gave her husband an appreciative glance and then offered a sympathetic grin to her friend. "I guess he didn't take that too well."

"He never does," Remus grumbled. "It's been three years and I wish he'd quit making me feel so fucking guilty for this all the time. He knew how I felt about this when we started dating and that still hasn't changed. And it doesn't mean that I don't love him, James!"

"I didn't say anything!" the bespectacled man grumbled, putting his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

"I could see it in your eyes," Remus shot in aggravation. It was an unfortunate side-effect of having known the man for half of his life.

Everyone in the kitchen sighed. This had been a point of contention between the lovers for years and the arguments had only gotten more heated especially the last few months. Remus couldn't understand why Sirius wouldn't just drop it. He had never told his parents that he was gay or that he was in a relationship with his classmate from school. When they first moved in together he had informed them but in a way that made it sound as if they were completely platonic. It had really hurt Sirius' feelings back then, but what else could he do? Neither of his parents were very progressive although they had always been kind to people with other values and ideas. It wasn't exactly that he thought they would hate him if he came out to them, but he was scared of being a disappointment. Remus was their only child and all of their hopes and expectations rested completely on him. him being in a homosexual relationship was just too much for him to risk telling them. He had heard too many conversations between his parents of his father's disgust with such a thing and his mother's cluelessness. He and Sirius weren't AIDS riddled druggies. They were exclusive to each other and had been stable together for three years.

"Should I try texting him?" Lily asked. "It sounds like it must have been a pretty heated argument if he's still not home yet."

"I...guys, I said something really rotten to him." For all of his anger and frustration, he couldn't rationalize the cruelty of his words towards Sirius. "I threw it in his face that my parents like me."

James paled and immediately rushed over to his coat to fetch his cellular phone. Remus felt a flash of gratefulness as James had always been the best one to talk Sirius off the ledges he invariably climbed up to. Lily looked disappointed, but it was quickly smoothed over with her sympathy for his position. Her own family had not been thrilled about their daughter dating an Indian man, especially one with such dark skin so she had avoided telling them anything for almost a year. But the fact was that she _had_ eventually told them. Remus never wanted to tell his parents, as foolish as that sounded. In his logical mind he reasoned that his parents wouldn't be around for many more years so Sirius only had to put up with the secrecy around his family for a short while and then they could be as open as they wanted to for the rest of their lives. Why couldn't Sirius just let him have this?!

Tossing the serving spoon into the sink he sat heavily into a kitchen chair. He knew the reason. He just didn't want to accept it as valid.

"Don't worry, Remus," Lily whispered as they heard James leave a voicemail message. "We'd love to have Sirius over for a while. Harry is going to be the happiest toddler in the planet to have his Paddy stay for a few days."

"Is he with the Potters?" Remus asked softly. Sirius absolutely adored Harry and the 18 month old could always cheer him up. It had taken a bit more for Remus to get attached emotionally to the baby, but he did love Harry as well and took his role as the handler of Harry's Godfather very seriously. Pun intended. It made him smile a little. 

"Yes, Fleamont and Euphemia were planning on taking him out to the park tonight to show him off at their Senior's Night Out."

"Mmm, he's going to be spoiled rotten," Remus noted, watching as James stood at the edge of the mudroom, texting like crazy. Sirius really must be pissed if he was even refusing to respond to James. "Maybe we should go ahead and just start without him? The food is getting cold."

James glanced up at them and then the clock hanging in the living room before shaking his head. "Let's give him a little bit longer, okay?"

"That's fine with me," Lily responded politely. "Neither of us are really sticklers about the temperature of our food."

Remus rested his head against the cool table and took deep controlled breaths in an attempt to settle his spirit. He hated fighting with Sirius so much. It gutted him being so angry with someone that he loved so desperately. While they had only been officially dating for three years, they had been in an unofficial relationship for so much longer. James had been Sirius' best friend and brother from the moment they met at school, but after a few testy years he and Remus had developed a close relationship themselves that centered on decidedly more physical contact than would be probably be normal between two friends. Sirius had claimed him as the obligatory cuddler and personal pillow on all occasions. It had taken a few more years before they had all realized the true reason behind his touch-starved desperation. 

"Is that your phone, Remus?"

Looking up blearily, he stared at James for a moment before fully understanding the question. He had set his phone to vibrate! Jumping up, he rushed to see a strange number flashing on his phone as he vibrated and he snatched it up to answer. "Did your phone die?" he greeted, a bit of annoyance still highlighting his words. "James and Lily have been here for a while."

There was a pause on the other end for a moment before a strange voice spoke up. "Hello, is this Mr. Lupin?"

"Uh, yes? Who's this?"

"Hello Mr. Lupin. I'm calling from St. Mungo's General Hospital. I'm sorry, but you're listed as the emergency contact for a Mr. Sirius Black. There's been an accident."

**

_"Whew, I'm worn out," Sirius grumbled as he splayed himself across their couch. "I hate moving."_

_Remus chuckled as he finished unpacking the dish set that he purchased at the thrift shop. It was disgustingly floral and outdated but it had made them laugh and only cost $5 for a set of four cups, small dishes, and large dishes. "Sirius, you've barely done anything all day. We don't have all that much in the way of worldly goods."_

_"Speaking of worldly," Sirius teased as he lifted his head and waggled his eyebrows in an attempt to be alluring, "do you want to come break in the couch with me?"_

_Humoring his boyfriend, Remus walked over and dropped his heavy figure over the sprawled man, earning an adorable "umph" for his efforts. He grinned widely and pressed kisses to the corner of those perfect lips. "This is nice," he murmured against those same lips. "No more worrying about anyone walking in on us anymore."_

_"Mmm, that'll be nice. I think James has gotten his fill of seeing my pasty white ass."_

_"It's a cute ass," Remus stated fondly, poking that perfectly straight nose softly. Having decided to move in together now that James was living with Lily, Remus was infinitely glad for finally having some real privacy._

_"I'm glad that you think so." Those grey eyes were sparkling happily._

_"It's even cuter when I'm pounding into you with my cock," he whispered hotly over those beautifully curved lips and Sirius moaned softly, cheeks flushing red and eyes glazing in a familiar lusty haze._

_"You better not tease me all night," he complained. "I expect a good fuck every hour on the hour now that we've got a place of our own."_

_Remus chuckled as he nuzzled against the already sweaty neck while Sirius barked a laugh at his own ridiculousness. "Death by excessive sex. That's what I'll have as the subject line for my obituary."_

_Sirius seemed to perk up at that. "Do you think they'll mention the fact that it was death by excess of rather excellent gay sex?"_

_This made the taller man roll his eyes. "Sure, Sirius. I'm sure they'll bother to mention the shockingly still alive boyfriend."_

_"Pfft," Sirius scoffed as he rolled his own eyes. "That's ridiculous, Remus."_

_"Which part of this conversation, Sirius?"_

_Both warm hands came up to cup the jaw of his boyfriend hovering over him, and Sirius stared into those hazel eyes with a deadly serious conviction. "It's ridiculous to think that I would go on living without you, Remus. You're my life."_ _It was the first time that something so definite and long-term had ever been mentioned between them and Remus stared down at Sirius in shock. "I love you, Remus. And I don't intend to ever be without you for the rest of my life."_

**

Lily was the only one out of their small group that had been calm enough to drive and they rushed off to the hospital immediately. Remus' hands were trembling badly as he clutched his phone desperately frightened to receive another phone call while they were on the way. He didn't want to hear that they had been too late. James was crying as he called his parents and Remus struggled not to follow suite. The car could not move fast enough for his tastes, but he knew that Lily was doing the best that she could. By the time they made it to the emergency room exit, he wasn't able to keep the tears at bay anymore.

"I'm here for Sirius Black," he declared at the desk, doing his best not to scream at the woman and demand that they let him see Sirius right now. "I got a call. I'm his emergency contact!"

She nodded, completely unfazed by his panicked state. "Okay, I see that he's out of surgery right now, but it looks like maybe he'll be needing to go into another one soon. Are you family?"

"N-no," he practically sobbed. "We're um...he's my..." The word stuck in his throat and he felt terribly ashamed of himself. Now was not the time for this self-consciousness when Sirius was on the other side of those locked doors waiting for him. "He's my lover and I need to see him!"

Her eyebrows went up and she typed a few more things before looking up at him. "Please have a seat and I'll have the doctor come out to see you."

"I don't want to see a doctor, I want to see Sirius!"

James put a shaking hand around his bicep. "Let's take a seat, Moony. Maybe it's not safe for him to see anyone yet." 

It was a very sensible and mature thing for James to say in his near hysterical state, so Remus bit back all of his other arguments and moved back to sit on the hard plastic seats with his two friends. His leg bounced in agitation and it felt as if they had been sitting there for years before a gruff older man limped out past those locked doors. "Lupin?" 

Before he could finish with the name, Remus was jumping to his feet and racing up to the man, James and Lily directly behind. "What's going on? Can I see him?"

"I'm going to need you to come with me," he sighed heavily, a gnarled hand wiping at the sweat on his brow.

They followed quietly, but Remus couldn't help help the pained groans he made as they walked down the cold halls. It was so similar to the memories he still recalled during nightmares, the pain and terror. Cold and sterile. Lonely. Sirius was all alone and it was killing him. There were just a few more doors they passed before they were in a private conference room and the door clicked shut behind them. 

"How's he doing?" James asked, the desperation evident in his voice as well. 

"Who are you?" the doctor asked wearily.

"My name is James Potter and this is my wife Lily. Sirius is my brother."

A grey eyebrow was raised. "You're his legal brother?"

"Well, no. My parents didn't legally adopt him, but he's been with my family since he was fifteen."

The man sighed again. He seemed exhausted. "Okay, good news and then the bad news. First, he's alive right now. That's the only good news we've got right now."

Remus couldn't choke back the sob. "Fuck, fuck, fuck! I need to see him!"

"I know, I know, and that's what I would be doing right now if I could, but I can't."

"W-what?" Remus stared nervously at James and Lily and they shot him back the same look.

"Look, we're reaching out to his family right now to suggest that they come to see them if they want a chance."

James started crying again, but choked it down as best as he could. Lily spoke up. "It's that bad, Doctor?"

The man looked stern. "Yes."

"Please let me see him now," Remus begged, reaching out to grasp the man's hands in his own. 

"I can't, son. I really can't. I'm sorry."

"Why the hell not?!" James screamed, slamming his fist on the table. The doctor didn't seem the least bit bothered by the outburst. 

"It's a matter of legality and hospital policy, I'm afraid. When a patience is incapacitated as Mr. Black currently is, then we are not allowed to permit anyone to visit him unless they are legal family or his spouse. He must give his explicit consent to allow anyone else to see him and as he is not able to we cannot allow you in there."

Remus was stunned. "B-but I'm his lover, I'm basically his husband! I'm his fucking emergency contact!"

The man nodded. "I'm sorry, but you're nothing to him legally."

Those words cut through Remus like a knife to the heart. "We can't...I mean, legally..."

"Son, I understand your position," the doctor murmured, barely audible under the sounds of James' sobbing. "You're not the first person to not be able to see their significant other at a time like this. I've already sent an appeal up to the VP of Patient Care, but I have to warn you that there's not much hope there. Dolores Umbridge is not known for her progressive positions on anything, and in fact, she's a self-righteous bitch."

Remus might have laughed at the ridiculousness of such a thing being said by such a professional person but there was no humor in this for him now. "I'm so close," he whispered against the table. "Fuck, I need to see him."

"Bring her here to see us personally as soon as possible," Lily commanded, her voice squeaky with barely constrained rage. 

"I'm trying. Hopefully you'll be able to see her within the hour."

"Will Sirius even last that long?" James sobbed.

"He's as stable as he can be for now," the doctor assured them. "I think we're looked at a couple of days and not necessarily hours. Although, he's in a rough shape and anything can change at anytime. For better or worse."

Absolute soul crushing grief fell over Remus and he felt as if he couldn't physically life up his upper body from it's position leaning over the table. Sirius was so close to him, in one of these many rooms unconscious and all alone. The only legal family might be the Blacks but they had disinherited him so maybe he had no legal family to speak of at all. And even if the Blacks counted, would they bother coming to see their disgraceful son in his final moments?

"James, he's going to die," Remus cried, reaching out to grasp the other man's shaking hand. "Oh gods, he's going to die! He's going to die alone!!! Oh gods, no!"

"I'm calling Fleamont," Lily stated firmly, seeing the two men completely coming apart. "D-doctor, would you mind talking with me outside in the hall for a few minutes. And maybe calling for a counselor?"

"Of course, Mrs. Potter. If I have to be off for any reason, you can just have them call for Dr. Moody and they'll get me."

**

The meeting with Ms. Dolores Umbridge went far less smoothly than any of them would have hoped. Her sickly sweet tone promised good things but the words she spoke were so cold and cruel that it was a true wonder that she was involved in the department involved with the best interest of the patients. They had tried to argue over the longevity and stability of the exclusive relationship but she absolutely would not budge on the grounds that there was no legal right for either friends or boyfriends to see a patient. It was his privacy that they held in the highest regard and she would not budge on the matter.

Lily had thankfully been able to get a little more information on the details of the accident and damage from Moody, but it was not encouraging. Reckless teens had not seen him on the road and had ploughed right through him at a speed well over the limit. His helmet and gear and spared him from an immediate death, but what he suffered currently was not much of an improvement. 

In a fit of rage against the hospital politics, James had threatened the full withdrawal of any future funds from the hospital as his father was a perennial sponsor. "My father is going to hear about this!" he screamed at the pink-suited VP. "Tell that to your damned Board of Directors!"

It was an unusual bout of nepotism that James hadn't often used in his young life, but the potential death of his friend called for drastic measures. It didn't take Fleamont long to arrive at the hospital after Lily's call, but he was only able to be drawn up into political and procedural discussions while an attempt at a meeting of the board of directors was called. Unfortunately, he was only one donor and there were several other wealthy families who donated to the hospital that did not feel the same way Fleamont did in regards to a gay man wanting to be with his lover and they too were using their financial clout. 

Having not slept for over 24 hours or eaten anything in over 12 hours, Remus was a shaking ball of nerves as he paced the nearly empty waiting room. James was fitfully sleeping as best as he could all curled up on a suspiciously stained love seat with his head on Lily's lap. Her head was lolled back in a half-asleep state, and the tiny portion of Remus that could focus on anything besides Sirius right now felt guilt for their discomfort. 

As he turned on his heel to begin his steps in the opposite direction, Remus came face to face with a young man almost identical to Sirius. He gasped in surprise but caught himself just as quickly. "R-regulus?" he croaked, voice rough from all the crying.

"You look like shit, Lupin," the younger man sighed as he took in the trembling figure. 

"Regulus, I know how your parents feel about Sirius, but _please_ , can't you help me? I need to see him and we're running out of time! They don't know how long he'll last!"

The dark-haired boy took a deep breath and stared up at the taller man with his dark eyes. Like all of the Blacks, Regulus had the uncanny ability to look down his nose at anyone regardless of if they were taller or shorter than him. It was a trait that Sirius had worked so hard to break himself of, but it would come out during some of their more heated arguments. These eyes, though, held none of the warmth that Sirius openly shared with him, none of the love and affection. But there was a strange emotion that he could see in the young man's eyes - loyalty.

"Come with me." His words were sharp but Remus could feel the first flutterings of hope.

They marched up to the desk where Regulus slapped down his identification haughtily. "My name is Regulus Black and I am here to see my brother."

The woman, a different one from the one who had initially greeted Remus, jumped in shock and quickly took down his information before pulling up Sirius' information. "Um, let me just-"

"Give me the fucking information already!" Regulus hissed angrily, once again startling the young woman. 

"I'm sorry, I need to check-"

"Room number! Now!"

She squeaked in terror. "R-room 324!" The young man turned on his heel with Remus right behind him when the woman called out uncertainly. "S-sir, I can't let him go with-"

The look shot her way could have peeled the paint off the walls. "He's coming with me. Now open the damn doors."

For the first time in his life Remus was grateful for the confident self-important pompousness of the Blacks. The door was opened to them both and Remus felt like he could finally start breathing. They rushed through the halls, only having to ask directions of a janitor once before they were finally standing in front of the door to Sirius' room. 

"C-can I have a minute with him first?" Remus asked quietly and without looking at Regulus.

"Yes," he replied just as quietly. 

Forcing himself to move, Remus took those necessary steps before gasping at the sight waiting for him.

**

_The incessant beeping forcefully dragged Remus up to the realm of the conscious, but it was the gentle pressure of a thumb stroking the back of his hand that grounded him to this reality. Opening his eyes was a painful task, but he wanted to see those grey eyes again. He wasn't disappointed and took a pleased shuddering breath._

_"How're you feeling, Remus?" Sirius asked softly, the bright whiteness of the room causing a strange kind of haloing effect around the teen._

_"Like shit." They both chuckled softly, and Sirius' thumb continued stroking the back of his hand softly. "What happened? I mean, I remember feeling the episode coming on, but..."_

_It wasn't until Sirius reached over to stroke his face that he realized there were bandages plastered all over his face._

_"You had a bad episode when you were on the balcony and fell over the railings and onto the patio table." There was a grimace on the boy's face as he spoke, but Remus couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity._

_"Did Mam do a happy dance? She's been trying to get Tad to get her a new one for years."_

_"Oh, yeah, Remus. She totally did a happy dance about the damned table while you were being driven off by an ambulance." Sirius was rolling his eyes and trying his best to act annoyed, but the delicate curls at the corners of his lips informed Remus that he wasn't as put out as he tried to seem. That tiny smile faltered slightly. "You scared us to death there for a bit, you know."_

_Remus smiled as best as he could against the pain in his face. "Will this stuff scar on my face? I've been meaning to do something to make my image a bit more rugged."_

_"Idiot," Sirius grumbled before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to the bandages just across his right cheekbone. "You'll look good no matter if they scar or not."_

_"Glad you think so," Remus had sighed happily before turning his head just enough to allow their lips to brush against each other._

_There was a slight hitch in his breath, but Remus was confident that he wasn't crossing into unbidden territory. Those lips parted and they deepened the kiss a bit to allow just the slightest bit of tongue. Sirius continued with his gentle stroking of the bandages as if his affection could heal those covered injuries. Voices could be heard down the hall and Sirius pulled away, the look of fondness still in his eyes. Remus gave him a flirty wink and then leaned back against his pillow._

_When his parents came in, Remus casually pulled his hand away from Sirius' and ignored the little burn in his heart. They were just being friendly._

**

The image that greeted him upon entering was something that he would associate more with a science fiction movie or maybe even a severely depressing movie about the star-crossed lovers who were doomed because one of them was terminally ill and wasn't going to make it through the two hours of the film. Sirius, a person who always had a personality much larger than life seemed unbelievably small in the bed with all the large blinking and beeping machines surrounding him. Seemingly hundreds of tubes were plugged into his body through various needles and beautiful raven hair that he so loved was dull and matted in the areas that it hadn't been brutally shaved away. Bruises bloomed from under bandages and across the exposed skin and his whole body seemed to be stiff with braces and casts. A large tube spilled out past his lips and the mechanical sound of the ventilator echoed in the cold room.

The chart next to him had scribbles in dry erase marker. 

"Brain Flap?"

"24 hr crit"

"Internal bleeding"

"Permnt nerv dmg?"

"Call fam"

"Poten. need donor"

Remus sat heavily in the chair next to the bed and carefully reached out to touch the lifeless grey hand that was closest to him. There was a little bit of skin that he could stroke without touching any of the bandages or tubes.

"Sirius?" he whispered as he carefully stroked that tiny patch of skin. "I'm here, love. I've been here for hours but they didn't want to let me see you. I don't know how long I can stay in here, but I want you to know that I'm here. I'm here and I love you..."

He was sniffling again, trying to keep from a full break down.

"Please forgive me for being so stupid yesterday. I should have never said those things and I hate that it's all my fault that you're here right now. Baby, I love you so fucking much."

Not knowing what else to say, he leaned his head against the soft material of the hospital sheets and tried to send all the energetic messages of love, affection, and devotion that he could. It wasn't long before the door opened and he heard the familiar hiccuping of James trying not to sob. Vaguely he noted that Regulus must have gone to get the other man, and they each had a hold of Sirius' hands. 

In what seemed like only a few minutes the door opened again. "We need to leave," Regulus stated flatly. "They're going to prep him for another surgery soon and the nurses need in."

Not knowing if it would be the last time that he saw Sirius alive, Remus walked out of the room backwards, trying his best to not just lose his mind and throw his body across his lovers and cry. They needed to work on him if there was any chance of him making it out alive.

**

"M-mam?" His voice was trembling so badly that he wasn't sure that she would be able to understand what he was saying.

"Remus?! Love, what's the matter? Lyall, get up, it's Remus!" 

"Mam, I...I don't want to b-be trouble, but I need you two. I n-need you and Tad." Even trembling, his words were barely above a whisper and he felt fresh hot tears roll down his cheeks. "I need you t-t-to be with me, please."

"We're going to come over on the first flight we can catch," Lyall replied using the other handset in their house. 

"Can you tell us what's the matter?"

"I-it's..." Even now his mouth didn't want to form the words. "Mam, Tad, p-please help me. I'm at the hospital with my b-boyfriend and he's...he might not make it, and I just can't handle it without you, _please_ , I need you both!" He was openly sobbing now, curling on himself against a filthy bathroom wall, still in the hospital. "Please help me."

"Fy machgen i," his mother's voice soothed over the phone, "we'll be there as soon as possible. Is James or Sirius there? Can they be with you right now?"

"James is here," he whispered.

"Okay, we'll be there soon," Lyall spoke up softly. "Text me the hospital and I'll let you know when we'll arrive."

"Please don't hate me," Remus whispered so softly that he wondered if they had been able to hear it at all.

"We'll see you soon, it's a promise," Hope uttered kindly before they were disconnected.

Hugging his knees to his chest for a few more minutes, Remus waited until he could stop the trembling in his knees and stand again. There was a familiar tingle in his extremities and he was suddenly reminded that he hadn't taken his medication yesterday or today. Quickly sending a text to James, he crumbled back to his side, not caring how filthy the floor was. It was better to already be on the floor if he had another episode than to risk damage. He needed to avoid being admitted to the hospital himself if he wanted to be completely here for Sirius. A few minutes later, familiar shoes rushed into the bathroom.

"Has it started yet?" James asked softly as he knelt carefully in front of Remus.

"Not fully," he muttered, thankful to hear the plastic of the medicine bottle and the shake of the pills. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he pried Remus' tense jaw open and tucked the pills in the back of his tongue. "This has probably been the most stressful day of your life. I didn't even think about this. I was just worried about myself. Shit, Sirius would kill me..." He started sniffling again, but bit back another sob. "Let me get you some water."

Once the pills were down it still took some time for their effects to calm his nervous system down, and he was thankful for James' presence the entire time. It was less awkward to be splayed on the floor of a public restroom when other men would undoubtedly walk in for relief.

"I'm sorry, James," he muttered when he felt the muscles in his face relax. "You shouldn't have to be babysitting me."

"You know what Sirius would say about that," James replied easily. It was true, Sirius had always made it clear who he thought should take priority in life regardless of his problems." Moody said that they are almost finished with prepping him for surgery."

"What is he going to have done now?"

"They were saying that his brain is swelling too much and they're going to try to cut out a chunk of his skull to relieve that pressure." The numbness was thankfully keeping Remus from having another breakdown. "There's still hope that there won't be permanent damage."

"Has he woken up at all?"

The downcast eyes was enough of a response before the words were uttered. "No."

"Is Regulus still here?"

This actually did bring a tiny smile to the stressed man's lips. "Yeah. He's been on the warpath. That Dolores bitch really has no idea what she's up against. Kind of makes me wish that Sirius could have seen it. I think Walburga and Orion are completely out of their minds right now."

"Do you...do you think that they'll stop him? It wouldn't be the first time."

There was a bit of a pause and he took the opportunity to push himself up to a seated position. James leaned back on his heels and sighed again. 

"Honestly? I don't think they'll be able to, Remus. You saw him yourself."

"Sirius would be so proud of him." He looked down at his phone still clenched in his hand. "James, I...I called my parents." Dark eyebrows shot up incredulously. "They're going to be heading here on the first flight out."

"Did you...what did you tell them?"

"I said that my boyfriend was dying and that I needed them. And when they get here, I'll tell them what I should have told them years ago. I just wish...I wish that I was doing this under different circumstances. Fuck, I'm such a fool, James."

Those familiar hands rested on his shoulders and squeezed encouragingly. 

**

"I thought that you were the appropriate person to receive these." Regulus was holding up an opaque plastic bag that seemed to have some bulky items in it. "It's the items they were able to recover off him after the accident. I told them to go ahead and dispose of the clothes that they had to cut him out of."

"Thanks," Remus mumbled as he pulled the bag close to his chest.

"They didn't know if anything on his phone could be recovered, but they put it in there in case."

Remus dumped the contents over the table between him and James and he couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Sirius' ridiculous boots had survived the crash looking mostly unscathed. He grasped up Sirius' wallet, and sighed in relief when he saw that the Polaroid of the two of them was still tucked in its pocket. It was from the night that they had finally gotten together, both grinning stupidly. His eyes burned with tears that he wanted to cry, but all he had was dry eyes. A receipt that he didn't recognize was tucked behind the picture and he pulled it out before reading over it with a frown. He didn't recognize the garbled shorthand that the machine had printed out, but the listed price of $659 shocked him. He couldn't think of any expensive purchases that they had made recently.

James was sifted through the useless tool kit that had been with the bike before he accidentally knocked a small black box over. Lily looked up from her phone and paled with a gasp at the same time that James froze when he went to pick the box up. Remus looked at the box for a few seconds before growing pale himself.

"No," he whispered, staring.

James looked between Remus and Lily in panic before grabbing the box carefully and setting it in front of Remus. His hands were shaking as he released the box and tucked his hands under his thighs as if he was a child trying to avoid touching anything else. Looking at his friends and at Regulus as if they could offer an explanation other than the obvious. When none was forthcoming he reached forward and tilted the lid up. Catching the metallic glint, he let the lid slam shut immediately and he shook his head again.

"Is that-?" Lily whispered.

He nodded but couldn't say the words.

"Bloody hell," James breathed out in shock.

With a deep shuddering breath, Remus looked down at the receipt again. "Oh gods," he whispered seeing the fading date. Seven months ago. 

The sudden realization of why Sirius had seemed so much more adamant about wanting Remus to tell his parents about their relationship struck him with the force of a delivery truck. It hadn't been because Sirius was jealous of his relationship with his parents and was hoping to see a fissure. It wasn't because he had been bitter at having been outed to his own family and subsequently disowned. 

He had been the one to schedule the dinner with James and Lily the other night. What if he had been planning on proposing that night?! 

"I c-can't," Remus gasped, feeling his vision swim as he stumbled to his feet. "Air, I n-need some air."

Lily grabbed his arm immediately on helped him stumble out of the waiting room. Right now doctors were sawing through bone to try to relieve the pressure from Sirius' brain and Remus just knew that it was all his fault. All he had to have done was tell his parents, just speak the words and this whole nightmare would have been avoided. But he had insisted on having his cake and eating it too and all it got him was diabetes.

He leaned away from Lily and promptly vomited on the sidewalk. 

**

Mr. and Mrs. Lupin walked into the hospital waiting room with nervous expressions on their faces and Hope cried in dismay when she saw the state of her only child. She rushed over as fast as she could and Remus practically fell into her arms, shaking with the dry sobs he couldn't keep at bay anymore. Lyall helped his wife get seated and rubbed his son's back while he looked up at James for an explanation and update.

Knowing that Remus hadn't really explained everything about his relationship with Sirius, James cleared his throat and tried to tread carefully with his words. "Um, he came out of surgery as good as they could expect. It was to cut a chunk of his skull out to relieve pressure from the swelling and today's the peak day for swelling so it's kind of...this is like the big day for Si- er, for him. If the swelling doesn't go down and the medicine can't keep his neuro storms under control then he's looking at some severe permanent damage. And that's if...well, if he doesn't die of any infections or other complications first.

Lyall nodded stiffly before looking down at his son and moving his hands up to pat down the messy and unwashed hair. "When was the last time you went home and got some rest, Remus?"

He shook his head slowly. "I can't, Tad. W-what if he dies while I'm gone?"

"Remus," he spoke quietly but sternly, "it won't do him any good if you end up in the hospital too."

"I know," he murmured miserably. "I'm scared."

"It's okay, love," Hope soothed. "We're here now and so are your friends. Sirius has plenty of people to keep vigil. Let's lean on each other, okay?"

Remus' head jerked up and he glanced between his parents nervously.

"It wasn't hard to figure out," his dad huffed.

"I-I'm sorry," Remus whispered, looking down as if he was ashamed. "I didn't want you to hate me." Then he lifted his head up with a resolute expression. "Mam, Tad, I love Sirius. I _love_ him with all my heart."

Both parents nodded just a bit stiffly, but their expressions were sympathetic. 

"We know, fy machgen i," Hope replied softly.

"Now that that's out of the way, go take a damn shower and get some food in your system," Lyall commanded, making Remus choke out a little laugh. "We'll be right here."

"O-okay. I'll be back soon."

Lyall turned to James sternly. "Make sure he gets something to eat too."

"Yes sir. My mum has brought some food by, but he's just been a bit too nervous to keep anything down." He didn't want them thinking that Euphemia Potter hadn't been taking care of them. 

With that settled, James drove Remus back to his house for a decent hot shower and they picked up a soup and sandwich to take back to the hospital.

**

BREAKING NEWS

"We're standing here in front of St. Mungo's General Hospital where a great injustice is taking place."

"Three days ago Sirius Black, a 21 year old tattoo artist was involved in a terrible motorcycle accident that left him clinging to life."

"...in critical condition..."

"...but worst of all is that his boyfriend of three years has been barred by the hospital from seeing or comforting him due to current practices..."

"His friends and boyfriend have been holding constant vigil in a desperate plea to be allowed to be with Sirius during what could be his last moments."

BREAKING NEWS

"Protesters have been gathering around the hospital with a call for equality and compassion."

"Local LGBQT+ groups are calling for their members and supporters to take turns protesting all around the city, calling on hospital administrators to do something about this unbelievable situation."

"Mr. Fleamont Potter has been in talks with the board of directors calling for a revision of current hospital policies..."

"...while others have stated that it would be 'hypocritical to change policies for one specific case in a show of preferential treatment'..."

BREAKING NEWS!

"The Black family heir and current Head of Family, Regulus Black has finally issued stating that while his brother had been legally disowned years ago he had been in the midst of legal proceedings to be reinstated as an heir under his younger brother should Regulus not have any children to inherit. He further indicated that he and the full force of the Black empire were behind getting his brother the right to be in the presence of his loved ones regardless of whether he passed away or recovered. There have been no comments from the former Head of the Black fortune, Orion Black or his wife Walburga..."

"Some are calling for the police to clear out protesters citing that they are 'disturbing the peace' in a place meant for recovery..."

BREAKING NEWS!

BREAKING NEWS!

BREAKING NEWS!

"...hundreds are crying..."

"...the scene is full of so many emotional people..."

"...it's definitely a moment that's difficult to remain objective during..."

"...people of all backgrounds are hugging and supporting each other through this emotionally charged situation..."

**

"Sirius? Can you hear me? Baby?"

There was a flutter of movement under eyelids and a few gasps.

"Was that reflexive?" Lily asked quickly, her hand clenching James' tightly.

Nurse McGonagall shook her head. "It could be, but let's try again. The sedatives should have been weaned off enough for him to respond a little. It also depends on the effects of the damage."

Remus scooted a little closer to the bed as if his physical presence could help his words come across better. "Sirius, I'm right here. It's me, Remus. I love you."

There was a flutter of eyelashes before unfocused grey eyes finally peeked out.

"Shit, it's good to see those eyes," James chuckled.

"Ungle Pa Foot!" Harry laughed, struggling to reach the bed while Lily wrestled with him in her arms.

"Baby, it's me," Remus stated again, his voice croaking with emotion. "I'm right here and I love you so much."

Dry lips smacked a little as if testing out the movements before a humming sound floated past his lips.

"Speaking might be too much for him right now," the head nurse stated kindly. She looked rather pleased, though. "Just be patient with him and I'd recommend not pushing too much. His best friend right now is sleep and rest."

Remus nodded and then pressed a kiss to a still too-pale cheek. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

It didn't matter that there was still talk of the potential for permanent brain damage or even permanent loss of motor skills. It didn't matter than he was down one kidney and missing a portion of his liver. It didn't matter that he would soon be back for surgery to reattach his piece of skull with plates and screws. Remus didn't care if Sirius never spoke another word again or if he would require in-home care for the rest of his life. He was going to be there for Sirius. It was a promise.

A small black box sat firmly in his back pocket.


End file.
